Havening as a Comforting Coping Skill

What Is Havening?

Havening is a therapeutic technique that uses gentle, comforting touch to help reduce stress, calm emotions, and create a sense of safety. For children experiencing sadness or missing someone, Havening can provide immediate comfort by engaging the brain’s natural ability to self-soothe.

This simple and effective method can be done at home and is especially helpful for children who may not have the words to express their feelings.

How Havening Works

Havening uses soothing touch to send calming signals to the brain. This helps reduce emotional overwhelm and promotes a sense of connection and safety. The process involves gentle stroking of the arms, face, or hands while focusing on calming thoughts or positive affirmations.

How to Teach Havening to Your Child

  1. Explain the Process in Simple Terms
    • “We’re going to do something called Havening. It’s a special way to help your body feel calm and safe, like a big, warm hug you can give yourself.”
  2. Introduce the Touch
    • Show your child how to gently stroke their arms from shoulders to elbows, as if giving themselves a comforting hug.
    • Alternatively, they can rub their hands together slowly or gently stroke their cheeks.
  3. Add Calming Words or Thoughts
    • Encourage your child to think about a happy memory, such as a fun time they had with the person they miss.
    • You can guide them to say something like:
      • “I am safe.”
      • “I am loved.”
      • “I carry [loved one’s name] in my heart.”
  4. Incorporate Breathing
    • While using the Havening touch, guide your child to take deep breaths:
      • Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, and breathe out for six counts.

How Havening Helps

  • Soothes the Brain: The gentle touch activates the brain’s calming pathways, reducing feelings of stress or sadness.
  • Provides Emotional Regulation: By pairing touch with positive thoughts, children learn to manage overwhelming emotions.
  • Creates a Sense of Connection: Havening helps children feel supported and reminds them that love and safety are always within reach.

Using Havening as a Daily Tool

Encourage your child to use Havening whenever they feel sad, anxious, or lonely. It can be done independently or with your guidance, making it a versatile and empowering tool for emotional well-being.